The Loons

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Yes, this is the long overdue post on the many loons in my life. In my current life. Now, why is this post important slash entertaining slash worth your time or mine? It is important because there are several loons and it is absolutely essential to record a post on them for future reference and so that none of you lovely, intelligent readers with excellent memories forget who these illustrious beings are. After all, if they’re featuring on this blog, they must be special, else why would BlogOwner, who is a rather bizzy person want to write about them or even mention them? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, these are indeed loons of the highest order, hence. Not that BO thinks and writes only about loons, but given the environment she is now, it is mostly this kind of creatures that she lives with, hence this indelible mark on her mind and soul.

In no specific order regarding love, affection, etc., (at all!) (whoever popped in my head, was written about), here they go!

1. Fish- Fish is, well, the fish. Her moniker is such because she’s the last sign on the Zodiac and because there generally is a fishy feel about everything she does. Fish, as her name suggests is generally good when served in certain dishes, but she can also have too many thorny bones if you don’t get the right piece. She is slimy, but that is only before you remove her scales. Once those dreadful things are gone, she’s lean and clean.

2. Funtan- Funtan rhymes with his several other names, hence the moniker. BO couldn’t come up with anything else! He’s simply funny. Too funny. Be careful, he can make you laugh compulsively and not stop for a very, very long time. Hence, his alias is Funny Boy. He claims BO is funnier, but we all know that’s a lie. Polls regarding who’s funnier have been taken, where Funtan has won hands down. He has a special, innate talent for appointing himself as the ‘judge’ in the middle of an argument or mini-debate type thing and declare himself winner.

3. Screechy- Screechy is a ram but I didn’t want to call her ‘ram’ lest someone should confuse ram as in the Arian with Ram-Shyam Ram. Yurgh. Schreechy screeches. A lot. This should be enough. She is the ultimate entertainment but only when she’s not after your case. Thank you very much.

4. ORPAR- One of the Remnants of the Pure Aryan Race. She’s small but she’s a LOON. She loves dancing around in unmentionables and must not be angered. Even if she is angered, she must not be man-handled once angered. Man-handled includes every sense of the word. Every.

5. Smimp- Small + Imp = Smimp. She’s really small, and really impish. One of the high grade loons around. Smimp happens to be a fellow Libran though! BO is absolutely thrilled about the presence of one normal sign around herself, one of the very, very few. Sigh. Normal signs are almost a rarity around BO! Don’t ask me what ‘normal signs’ are. Please. It’s a subjective thing, you know.

6. SPW- Scary Photo Wali. Name is self explanatory, however, a clarification is necessary. She has only ONE scary photo where she looks like Gollum and BO has decided that the name must stay. Her characteristic features include her stunning ability to make funny faces and her blue pyjamas.

7. Pengy- I have written volumes on this character already, but in order to rightly serve the purpose of this post, I shall reiterate. She is one to be feared and cuddled. Yes, it’s a rather strange combination and I fail to understand how she manages both. She can make disgusting fish faces with Mr. Pengy and gross the people around out, which generally happens to be a large number of people because they do it in public places.

8. Bam Bam- I have suitably named him Bam Bam because when he gets seven minutes to talk, he sounds like a revolver shooting out tiny bits of acerbic, acidic, terribly mean yet funny (if the joke’s not on you) (actually, it’s funny even if it’s on you) words. You may feel like pinching his cheeks due to their extreme cuteness (and somewhat Libran appeal, even though he isn’t a Libran which BO now finds very hard to believe) when you see his baby pictures, but may get scared (and scarred*) in real life. Bam Bam seems to know everything about everything but BO suspects he really doesn’t know everything he seems to know.

9. The Guru- A certain synonym of his moniker is used rather liberally to refer to this man in PoS of late. A sport and immensely helpful when it comes to talking about his favourite intellectual sport, he and Bam Bam share a love-hate relationship. They can’t live with each other and can’t live without each other. They’re like this cute little married couple where each keeps joyously and shyly blaming the other for their faults. Except, these two aren’t particularly joyous or shy.

10. E-Man- If you’re looking for entertaining, funny stories about people you know and even about yourself, go to E-Man! *plays the He-Man tan na na na na music with E-Man instead of He-Man* E-Man often seems to be on the verge of screaming out on top of a cliff, “I have the power!” Hence, the moniker. E-Man’s characteristic features include his zombie like gait and his own way of narrowing his eyes and staring at you like a loon. Hence he’s perfect for this post.

Ok 10 people. There are many more, though. But, rest with these 10 for now, will you? I must go and figure the rest out.

*Because he may flash his characteristic expression of extreme disgust and act all grumpy which would scar a gentle, loving, peaceful, harmonious being like you for life.


Tejal said...

hahhahah..nice buncha loons u hav toh ;) though my fav is Bam Bam !

Sneha said...

i'll let him know :D