Talk To Me

…. But not on the phone!

You see, I have this thing against talking on phone. Especially when I’m talking to someone for the first time, I’d rather talk face to face. You see, it becomes very difficult (or so I assume) to imagine what I must be looking like in real if you talk to me on phone. I, erm, sound like a 2 year old. Okay. So, I’ve said it. Whew. My voice. There is something in my voice that makes me sound sooooooooo… young, almost kiddish! When I was in 7^th Std, someone, who had ONLY heard me over the telephone, had offered me a dubbing role in one cartoon. He thought I was in 2^nd Std or something and my Dad had a tough time convincing him that I really WAS 5 years older than what he thought. When he showed our Kullu-Manali trip pictures to everyone in his office (in the same year), all those who had heard my voice (I was a regular caller, “ May I talk to blah blah, pleeeaaasee” I literally used to sing this line out. Okay, this once when I was in 3^rd Std, I had called my Mom’s office and the convo went something like this… “May I talk to my mother, please” “ Who is this?” “I’m my mother’s daughter” “Hahahahh. And who is your mother?” “Oh! Erm.. she’s [name]” *blushing red and crimson*) were expecting to see a toddler or something perhaps because they were shocked to see such a grown up 11 year-old!

This voice problem of mine (which at times turns out to be a good thing as well. S says she and others find it hard to believe that I can ever be rude (even when I AM rude) because no matter what I say, it sounds very ‘sweet’. Right. Now THAT must be a surprise to you all. Acidic BlogOwner isn’t REALLY that acidic, then. Hah!) has been thoroughly tested by me. I was always the voice on the answering machine at home, so, *sigh*, I have heard it many, MANY times. I have even recorded my own conversations with TC and Abhu, where I’ve purposely thrown in all sorts of voice maneuvers or whatever (like giggles, expressions of indignation, horror, etc) just to hear what I sound like. Was I shocked! I do sound…. Cute, may be. But erm.. I sound like a very, very, VERY smart, intelligent and discerning 6 year old.

(The above is applicable only when I’m in a normal frame of mind and body and I’m not down with cold or fever or hysteria or something.)

My second problem with phone conversation is that there is no facility to ‘pause’. One has to keep talking. Blank phases make you sound stupid. You can’t multitask or talk to 5 people at once or pretend to be absorbed by the beauty of the lettuce sandwich kept on the table when you’re on the phone. You just HAVE to……talk.

Problem number three is that if the line is *bleep*ed up then you have to keep going like “Pardon?” “Sorry?” “er.. WHAT?” and pretend that you’ve heard what they’re saying and feign a “Er.. Okay..” or “Hmm..” or better yet, a little “Hmehemmehe” which is “Hmm” in a giggly way, so that works at all times, in all situations, except when the other person is asking you a question.

So. Yes. Don't call me, okay? IMing is SO much fun! You can send smileys and winks and nudges and whatnot. We should take advantage of such technological advances, innit?

P.S.: Okay so half the post has been written within pairs of parentheses. I had no other place to fit those!

P.S.2: My voice isn't THAT kiddish, also. I think I've exagerrated a little, but who cares?! Same thing!

P and I

As you may recall, P is a much-delight-causing Sag friend of mine. We don’t live in the same city any more (it’s been 4 years since I moved) but we’ve kept in touch. Well, the only problem that does happen to crop up at times is the apparent lack of juicy topics to talk about. In order to address this issue (according to P alone, I in no way think this addressed the issue!) P has come up with a rather brilliant (in her opinion. Don’t ask for my opinion, P is going to read this!) way to ‘keep talking’ (on MSN of course). Her standard question after the absolutely loathesome ‘wassup’-type questions is invariably, “ Sooooo, any new crushes?”. Now, I have told her in length, in may be about 5674328 words, that I absolutely have no such inclination towards any such character at this point of time. If miraculously I DO happen to like someone in my current scenario, then hell, I’ll let you know. For sure. Now STOP!! She doesn’t stop there, you know. She goes on prodding… and on….. and on….. in a fashion very similar to my way of going on… and on… okay, we’ve gone through this.

So, sweet reader (Hi! And hi to you too! Oh, no more of you is here. Damn.), I’m often prodded by P in a way that is so unimaginably prod-ful that no amount of so-how’s-the-weather-there or which-book-are-you-currently-reading or saw-any-new-movies or even what-colour-is-your-chaddi type questions fall flat at the face of P’s intensely powerful prodding. You can imagine.

She does, however, acknowledge the fact that the apparent-crush-talk is a total blooper. So I suggest to play Minesweeper Flags on MSN. Don’t even ask what her reaction is! She HATES that game because whenever we play, in some evil way, I always (okay 90% of the time) win and in general she hates the game and finds it ‘irritating’. So another rather superb option, gone.

We tried making lists of mundane and not-so-mundane-questions like…

-how long is your hair ( I suggest)

-who u crushin on huh ?:P ( P suggests) (what a surprise there!)

-did you shop this week (I)

-wat did u eat today (P)

-wat song u listenin 2 (P)

-how much did u sleep 2day (P)

I even considered talking about a future joint-venture that we (at least I would!) would call Amma’s Paratha (it has some inside joke-type meaning which only P and I understand. Heehee) to which P’s response was – “i wud rather die of hunger”. So much hatred, for Amma’s Paratha, P? What is SO wrong with the name? Tell?

So anyway, after meandering about in many such absolutely non-sensical loops, we concluded rather gravely that “P-Sneha convos are MEANT to be psychospeak”. How genuine are we.

Midnight Madness

Be Thou Warned: This post may be too ‘girly’ at places for your ‘taste’. So if you’re a total pig then read no further.
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No, I didn’t turn into a werewolf and scare the hell out of S (sister).

No, I didn’t start sleepwalking and break half the things in my house while doing such a thing.

No, I didn’t go to a zombie-haunted house to give the zombies a fright (heh, that would be fun though).

So, what was it that I did at midnight? Okay… I just freaked out and did what I do best- act like a lunatic!

It was around 11.45 in the night, S was busy doing something online while I was getting bored in the background. So I decided to clean out my clothes shelf which was desperately screaming out to me--- “DO something about me you..you..you……!”

So, I decided to oblige and set down to removing all the clothes and arranging them and blah blah. Everytime I indulge in this activity, I find something that totally makes me happy and this time it was my old school skirt!! I couldn’t find the shirt neither could I find any other set of uniform. I then remembered, while packing (before moving) Mom had warned me to leave all my ‘unnecessary’ stuff back which could be given away to the bai but I had slipped in my beloved skirt and given away the rest. Oh how I ADORE this skirt. Once in school while I was hanging out in the corridor between classes, this really scary teacher whom I didn’t like was doing her ‘rounds’. When she saw me, she was like—

“Your skirt is like one foot long! You must get another one stiched!”

To which I replied—

“Sorry but it actually is about 1.3 feet long and I won’t be here much longer so I won’t be getting any more skirts stiched!” *smiles*

Her expression was somewhat puzzled and amused at the same time! :D

That was my favourite piece of uniform that I ever owned! I was so overcome with emotions that I even took a snap of it to put it up here. *sigh*

After the skirt-gazing and skirt-photo-clicking I continued with my pursuit of rearraging my clothes when I came across this absolutely warm, fuzzy black shirt with a little butterfly on it! I wore that and clicked like a thousand pictures of myself where one could easily pass me off for a sleep-deprived zombie (er, I think sleep-deprived is contained in the word zombie, but still). All this while S was blithely unaware of my adventures right behind her back and was doing her work peacefully.

Then I came across my wrap around skirts which I hardly wear. Anyway, they were there- all washed and ironed and neatly(?) kept. I started messing around with one of them. I tied the little stringies around my neck and started yelling “Woohoooo here comes Superwoman!” while performing an act of mock flying to which S nonchalantly replied with a practised yawn (she’s pretty used to me acting like a mental-asylum-patient-on-the-loose).

After the flying around ceased, a brilliant idea struck me. I wore the wrap around skirt in an absurd way which was held together by a banana clip on the back (heh) and the stringies at the neck. A pink shiny diva-like belt was worn on the waist to keep the frills and folds of the skirt-turned-dress together. 6-inch heels were worn. Holy mother of God! I asked S to turn around and told her this was my mock-red-carpet outfit. I quickly justified such behaviour of mine by saying I had been looking at fugly people too often these days! S gushed—

“OMG! It seriously looks like those things they wear!”

Then I started posing with one leg in front of the other, waving out, flashing fake smiles and catwalking around and still managing to look perfectly sane for the first time in the evening! S responded to all this diva-act with—

“OMG! You look like Malaika Arora!”

Thengew berry muds!! (I assume everybody has received and read that forward by now!)

No. That was a serious compliment, really! Hee. I do kind of do like Malaika. So, you know…

After all this I am giving fashion designing a serious thought. Erm. No, on second thoughts, I shouldn’t become a fashion designer. If I do, my models will all end up walking the ramp in wrap around skirts and PJs!! :D

All this activity has left me a little drained (did I mention that before all this cleaning started, I was busy dancing away to glory?). Old age is really getting to me! Okay, I take the last sentence back! It’s high time my PBT (Post Birthday Trauma) passed. Okay. Yes. No more PBT. Smiles :)

Weird Sisters Do It Again!

Of late, S has been thinking a lot (I suppose) and has been adorning our conversations with ‘witticisms’.

I have recollected and documented two such incidents in the following lines.

Scene 1:

S was sitting on the bed with books (and clothes, and bags and phones and every imaginable item that a 17 (newly turned*blush*#) year old Libran could possibly own) scattered all over it. I was rummaging around for some books or something and noticed a frown (very rare in case of S!) on her face. Of course, I acted as if I hadn’t seen it. She waited for me to acknowledge the frown and ask her what was up and when enough time had elapsed and she got no favourable response form me, she remarked wisely—

“Sneha ke books- na shelf ke, na bed ke”

(inspired by the doggie lokokti)

Wah wah!

Scene 2:

This is an unsaid, unwritten law in our house. When either of the two weird sisters is sitting on the comp (okay, not sitting ON the comp, but working on the comp. it’s just a way of saying this same thing, okay?!) the other feels an incredible urge to displace that sister and herself occupy the comp (okay… you got it!) even though she has much better work to do. In order to accomplish this feat, the second sister starts roaming around the comp-chair and peeking into the screen, all of which are clear indications of her desire to oust the incumbent comp-user.

One evening, I was merrily reading blogs, orkutting, checking mails blah blah when S started exhibiting all the properties of the second sister (as stated in the law above). Now, as I have already once mentioned, I HATE it when people look into my work and the comp is no exception. I always get irritated and cranky when this happens and minimize all the windows and drive her away before I regain my normal, calm and composed state.

However, this time, S said she DID NOT want the comp and only offered me one of her wisecracks—

“We are like honeybees and the comp is the honey” *eyes gleaming*

Wah wah!

Will anyone ever run out of sources of entertainment with sisters like THESE around?

I tell you, even brother-brother jodis aren’t as good as sisters! And I loathe Ms.De for writing a book on two ‘sisters’ at emotional war with each other. Hullo. They are proper ‘sisters’ neither by blood nor by any form of emotional bonding whatsoever. Then why call the books ‘Sisters’ and make ‘sisters’ look so bitchy? I don’t like that woman! No one has the right to tarnish the pure bond of sisterhood, as Elle rightly pointed out in Legally Blonde (LOVE that movie and ADORE Elle).

#- I have no clue why I blush when I say I am 17. I just feel a little old and weary now. Sigh!

S, Abhu and more fun!!

Lots of things have happened in the past week....

Firstly, Abhu and I finally went and paid the canteen fellow our dues while he shot nasty glances at us. Read this to know what had happened earlier!

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Secondly, Abhu happened to entertain me once again with another of her chemi lab faux pas. She really has a stock of them ready of boring afternoons! Today, we were supposed to perform an experiment, a part of which required us to take some dil. acid in a test tube and add it to another solution and blah blah. I was rinsing the burette while Abhu was to fetch a test tube and fill 10 ml of acid in it. She went to the test tube area (or whatever). She returned after 2 minutes. I was merrily rinsing away to glory when I heard a frightened Abhu shriek with horror…

Abhu:*looking at her finger* OOOOHHHH there was acid in that test tube!!

Test tube falls and breaks.

Me:*disgusted* Hullo! You have broken the damn test tube.

Abhu:*washing her finger under the tap* I didn’t break it! It broke on its own. It had acid in it!

Me: Er… is it wise to wash skin with acid on it with water? It should be er.. an exothermic reaction producing a lot of heat and all nah? Your finger should be burning. And what do you mean by there was acid in the test tube?

Abhu: Yeah, there was acid in it. That’s why it broke. And there isn’t ANY exothermic reaction taking place. *mutters something incomprehensible*

Me: Whatever. Hullo!! Test tubes don’t go breaking when they hold acid in them! *giggles wildly*

Abhu: *blushes shades of pink* Er… well.. whatever. I didn’t break that test tube though. It just… broke. Mysteriously or something.

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Thirdly, TC, Abhu and I have made the second page of the Times of India!! One morning, while I was online, orkutting I guess, an excited S (sister) rushed into the room with the paper in her hand and pointed towards the picture of a girl with brilliant, gorgeous, absolutely envy-worthy hair sitting with her back towards the camera at some café…

S: *smiling meaningfully* Who’s this?

Me: *with an air of nonchalance* That’s me and my hair duh. *tubelight jalti hai* OMG!! That is SOOO me!! And Abhu, with her profile visible and TC with her whole damn face visible!! Woah! We’re celebrities!

S: Where and when was this?? And why have they picked pictures of nut-cases like you to write a story on ‘GenX’ ?

Me: Excuse me?

S: Nevermind, carry on.

Me: This was back in August! The four of us- me, TC, Abhu and T (another friend) (taurean friend) had been to CCD for a while. We were just having coffee when this reporter type fellow came and started clicking pictures around the café. This has happened many times before also, but no one ever printed our picture! Well, anyway, they were lucky we were there that day. *gestures around like a movie star*

S: Shut up. I have been on TV, newspaper AND on radio. You are only getting the taste of stardom.

Me: Hullo?? This is my second time in the newspaper, okay? First time I’d made the front page! That too not as some anonymous teenager, but well, as an anonymous (but really nice) dancer. Hmp!

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Fourthly, S has discovered a novel way of shooing ants away. Read this to learn more about S’s enchantment with ants. She says, if one whispers lightly to a group of ants, they disperse. One mustn’t talk loudly. Only whisper. She even demonstrated this little thing to me. My! Was I surprised! It works, people, it does! Try it :)

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Fifthly, I have successfully downloaded Dark Side Of the Moon. I listened to it (only a couple of times so far). I liked it. Suk, tu bach gaya!

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Sixthly, this one describes my mood rather well…

I hear you Calvin, I hear you!

Weird Sisters are back!

Younger Sister (S2) was reading a book with an expression of utmost concentration when Elder Sister (S1) decided it was too long before she had acted like a nut-case.

S1: *very innocently* When will you write your next post?

S2: *annoyed at being disturbed* Shut up.

S1: Tell naaaa.

S2: *pursing her lips* I don’t know. Sometime soon may be. I have a good mind to write about you and your madness.

S1: *eyes lit up* Yah!! Write about me and TC . And about our intuitive powers and about all those miracles??! Pleej!

S2: *shoots suspicious looks* Why are you so eager to be written about eh?

S1: *blushes furiously* I just... you know… it’s.. um…

S2: I know! You feel like a celebrity when I write about you! Hah! You pesky thing. I am soo not writing about you any more and letting you have that pleasure.

S1: *slightly dejected* Umm… please please write na. Write, okay? Nice girl. TC will also be so pleased.

S2: What is there to be pleased about? I only make fun of you on my blog! Muahahah.

S1: But for once you can write all nice thingies about me nah? So that people think I am all virtuous and everything?

S2: *shakes her head with an air of importance* What-ever. *goes back to reading*

Note: Do NOT think S2 is a creep. Well yes, she can be pretty creepy at times, but not always!

Carrier In Yie Tee

We have our IT practicals every Sunday at a certain NIIT branch. Today was no exception. Abhu and I entered the lab, took our seats, exchanged hey-wassups with friends and waited for ma’am to come. However, who did come in through that door was an odd figure wearing a orange-yellow-striped shirt and a pair of ill-fitting *ahem* black pants. He had curly hair (the most unflattering kind), wore a strange I-am-in-charge-type smile and held a bunch of postcard-sized yellow cards. Words started spilling out of his mouth, very few of which were deciphered by a scandalised Abhu (scandalised because she is least accomodating when it comes to people who don’t seem to know what they’re saying) and a on-the-verge-of-bursting-into-wild-giggles me. I made a mental note of recording all that he said.

….Myzelv blah blah. Yie yam the {fuzzes up the word} head ower here. Today, yie yam yere to giff you some knowledge on the real world scenario and jov frosfects yin thee Yie Tee industry…. Today, ower buddy lenguase says a lot about who we are. Our buddy lenguase shows iff we are convident, shows ower convidence…. Like yie am a convident man {gesticulates around his body} yie know what yie bhaant. Ower buddy lenguase shows ower buddy parts (methinks- oooohhh?? Really?!) bhaat we are composed of… what makes up ower buddy …. (Abhu sniggers)… my convidence is my strens… bhaat is yooer strens? {asks me}

Er… as in.. okay, people say I am articulate….

End yooers?? {motioning towards Abhu}

Umm.. I can analyse well (methinks- hehehhhheeehh)

Yooou?? {to another fellow}

Blah blah

(he asked many other people what their ‘strens’ was)

Wokay… bherry good.. so.. are you looking for a good carrier?

Abhu: Obviously. D-uh (she actually said that loud!)

Obviously eh?? Yes yes…. So, what is a carrier?

Your professional life?

Job?

Work?

No, that is not carrier . Carrier is when my friend tells blah blah is working with Infosys, Wipro yearning so much…. He is giving respect. That, my deaaars, is carrier. Respects is carriers. Yoou haf to think what yoou want then get it. Yoou must have resources… like, yoou keep dreaming of going to Goa with yooer girlfriend, enjoy ower theyaar and haf a nice time {gesticulates and smiles devilishly} but in your pocket {puts hand in his back pocket} yoou haf no munney. Then why yooer dreaming about Goa?

Me and Abhu let out little giggles.

{looks into one of the cards} Would you like companies to run after you? Bhaat can you do to make company run after you?

Student: Cheat them and lootofy millions from them?

Blah sniggers.

Abhu: Join NIIT. Hah!

heheheh… {blushes} yes yes. Well… but.. hehehe

Abhu: That’s what you were getting to.

Heehhe…. Well, I am working for an organijasun so I will say my organijasun is best. But I will not force you to join. Choice is yooers.okay… {tries desperately to change subject} {looks into the card} Are yoou yinterested to know about yie tee jobs?

Abhu: {sitting up straighter and turning on an expression of utmost attention} Um… yea..

We are having a workshop here… 3 days… you send yooer phriends on day 1 and 2 and you come with them on day 3.

Student: So, we aren’t really invited for the first two days?!

Yes yes you are. But get yooer non-Yie Tee phriends. Yie will give yoou theej cards which you will distribute among yooer phriends. Okay? Okay.

{gives out the cards}

{walks towards the door. Peeks in and says—If I don’t see yoou and yooer phriends then next Sunday……….. }

Abhu and I went into hysteric-giggling-mode after blah left.

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Note: No offence meant to NIIT or blah blah!! :D

Weird sisters are weirder than you thought!!

5 years back…

In Manali…

In some deodar park or something…

2 girls and their parents had gone site-seeing. There was this other family whom they had bumped across the second time on that trip(destiny!). The important thing to be noted is that there were two cute boys(*drool*) in that family. The girls had been most thrilled to get a few glimpses of them the second time. At one point, while touring the park(or whatever) they reached an isolated area. They thought they were the only ones there and started having a loud, animated chat about some topic they had reserved for a clandestine discussion. This seemed to be perfect. Walking along the track….

S1: I think its okay now…*looking at her side*

S2: Yea.. So, I think we should should seriously resolve not to call each other all those silly things.

S1: Yea, please yaa, don’t call me chimpoo in public

S2: You also don’t call me buzzi in public… Its most embarrassing.

S1: The other day at Elite, that man thought we were nutcases. Calling each other weird things.

S2: I know!! I saw the look on his face!! He was awestruck. Poor man! *giggles*

S1: *giggles hysterically* Ok. So it’s a deal then?

S2: Yep, deal.

S1: Only proper names to be used.

S2: Yes.

Both were happy and satisfied that they came to an amicable deal. So far so good. Suddenly, they hear footfalls. *beads of sweat on S2’s forehead**S1 gulps audibly* . The two of them turn around to find cute boys walking along the same track!! They were apparently there all along and these two were blithely unaware of them!*both turn a deep shade of pink instantly**quickly disappear from scene of crime*

Moral of the story- Always check all four directions before blabbering shame-inducing-making-ears-turn-pink type things.

Note: Elite Fashions is a garment store in Bandra, Mumbai (atleast it was one untill 3 years back) which S1 and S2 are very fond of and love shopping over there since they believe it has the best clothes one can possibly find under one roof.

Weird Sisters

I would like to thank J.K.Rowling for, among many other things, having thought of the Weird Sisters- a label that suits my sister and me more than any other label possibly could(of course, apart from the lunatic twosome and mega-morons and such)!

This particular incident took place on a rainy August morning.

S: *staring at the keyboard with utter awe*

Me: *drying a pouch with a hair dryer* What?

S: *now beaming at something on her index finger; finger is pointing toward the monitor* That’s so cool!!

Me: *looking at her with sheer disgust* WHAT is so amusing to you?

S: *blowing air at the index finger* Sheesh!

Me:*has given up hope of finding out what it is that amazes her so much* *continues with the drying*

S: Ants are like, soo strong!!

Me: *gaping stupidly at her* Is that all the wisdom you have gathered after 21 years on this planet?

S: *still thrilled* Ssh! Look at this cute little thing! It simply refuses to be blown away!

Me: Wow, what an observation. *grumbles something about S being such a freak*

S: *has apparently heard the grumbling* Yea, right. Look who is speaking! The one who is trying to dry a damn pencil pouch with a blow-dryer!

Me: *gives threatening looks**continues with the blow drying**refuses to respond to that*

S’s victory laugh fills the room

S:*smiling gleefully* Hah!

The day I lost it…. Completely!

This particular conversation took place through the (god bless them) msn messenger.

He: hey...u supportin GERMANY!!

Me: hey!!

Me: yep.. iam!

Me: howz u??

He: am fine..me england all da way...

Me: huh??!?!?!!

Me: cool

Me: how come??

He: wat r u upto nwdays...??..ROONEY..rocks

Me: me?? nothing really worth mentioning.. jus the ususal.. n how cum ur in ENGLAND?'

Me: ohk.. but the WC is in GERMANY

Me: so wat r u doin in england?

He: am suportin englnd in da wrld cup....PRINCESS

Me : *realisation dawns* OHHHH

Me: *feels like jumping into a well* IAM SOOOO STUPID

Me: seriously

Me: I JUST got it!

What a blooper! *blush blush*

Well. Something else also happened today which supports the Sneha-has-lost-it-today theory. I was talking to Abhu in front of her class. Psi had apparently gone somewhere *gloomy expression*. He seemed to appear out of nothing (actually he must have simply come up the stairs, the little detail which I missed) and was marching towards his (Abhu’s) class. In other words, he was marching towards us. I was caught totally off-guard and when that happens, I am very much comparable to a simpering(or loud, as it turned out to be in this case) idiot. I shouted on top of my voice “Look who is here!! Psi!”. Deadly blunder. And guess what happened right after that?? Abhu had to burst out laughing!! I was hoping to just evaporate. Hmm… Will have to think of some damage control now. Any suggestions??